baby jesus... Born To Rock *GUITAR RIFF*

Star Trek is amazing, and you (whoever still reads this LJ that I keep failing to update) should all go see it. Especially those of you who have the ability to hear and see things, but even those who can't. It is that awesome.

I really should have mentioned this last night when I did see it, but still, it is true.

From an article by Jon Martin and Carol Lee at Politico, actual quote:

“How can you spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives?” Boehner asked. “How does that stimulate the economy?”

Boehner said congressional Republicans are also concerned about the size of the package.

Strangely, I think it doesn't actually help to not know how to pronounce the minority leader's name.

I had intended my second post-hiatus post to be happier than this, but.

My grandfather died this morning. 9:05 AM. He was 89 and had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's for thirteen years. The Parkinson's had gotten so bad he couldn't swallow for the past several days. I don't feel like I have the words right now. I loved him very much.

We were supposed to wake up at noon and visit him today, me, my brother Will and my mom. An hour or so before my alarm, my mom came into my room and explained that we had to leave early. She started to say why, but I couldn't make it out in my state and through her tears, but, you know, I could tell.

Today is the first time I can recall seeing someone dead in real life. I don't have the art right now to, well, do anything any justice. He was cold, but not too cold. I rubbed his head like I always do --- I have loved to rub his head since I was a child, it was always very fuzzy, since he was rather bald --- and I can still feel the sensation on my palm if I concentrate. I can see his body lying in his bed and my brother, Nels, standing next to me as we listened to "May It Be" from LOTR. But I can't give it life in text. His face was gaunt, almost skeletal. He hadn't eaten or drank in days, and had lost a lot of weight, and it showed in his cheeks. His mouth was open, as it was Wednesday when I last saw him alive, his top teeth far ahead of his bottom teeth. Only one eye closed all the way. He looked dead. He had looked dead when I saw him Wednesday for the first time in a year, but not as dead as this.

I've been looking for this digital photo of him, but I can't find it. I think I left it in Oregon. Maybe later I'll post something that does things justice, but for now, I'm just going to crib from the dedication from my thesis.

[M]y grandfather, Hal, who I love.
A kind and wonderful man with a fuzzy head.

I, uh, haven't posted in a while, so what I'm about to say may come as a surprise to you guys as well as me:

I am not dead. Let me explain.

Around noon on a sunny Monday in July I decided I wanted some ice cream. I cut up Safeway Mint Tuxedos (basically Oreos, only better and vegan) and fold them into French Vanilla Tillamook Ice Cream, and it's DELICIOUS. Except I was very low on ice cream. So I bike to the local Safeway to get some. There is, alas, none of the ice cream I desire. After an unsuccessful side trip to try and acquire my current favorite kind of Stumptown coffee bean (I expect to get some sort of compensation for all the brand name shout-outs I'm including) I return to the store and try their Old-Fashioned Vanilla. I get on my bike and head home.

A block south of Safeway, I brake too hard and fly over the handlebar of my bike (really my friend Jennifer's bike), jaw-first into the pavement. Bleeding profusely, I curse my bad luck, and try to come up with the best way to get home while letting loose torrents of blood. Around this time, people show up, and ask me about my teeth, which I assure them are alright. Or, rather, after some inspection, are not alright. Several have jumped into my gums, and also, my jaw can't close properly and is dislocated.

Anyway, long story short, I never got my goddamn ice cream. I had to give it away to the guy who drove me to the hospital, lest it melt.

Also, I now have a titanium plate in my jaw.

So does anyone else think it would be a wonderful idea to have a Due South fic about Austan Goolsbee's trip to Canadian Consulate in Chicago? Because they should. (For those too lazy to click the link, he's the economic advisor to Obama who reportedly had a conversation with the Canadians placating them about Obama's NAFTA rhetoric.) The only trouble is that I don't have a hook, just a plot-bunny.

Also: Alternate 60s-style Star Wars credits.

I'm in London until Monday. Any suggestions for things I need to do? I mean, besides see Jeremy Bentham, that's, like, the next thing I'm doing after I log off.

Is anyone doing anything for the State of the Union tonight?

So Iowa caucuses tonight. Here are my predictions I feel mildly comfortable with:

Joe Biden will place 4th.

Here is what I hope will happen that stands a fair chance of happening:

Dems: Obama then Edwards then Clinton then Biden then Richardson then Kucinich then Dodd. The top three will be not THAT far apart. But as long as Clinton doesn't win, I'll be busting out the leftover bottle of champagne I never got around to drinking on New Years. (Though, if we end up shunted into a parallell universe where Richardson wins, I think I will stick to the hard liquor and despair.)

Republicans: Romney over Huck in a squeaker. Thompson third. Ron Paul surprise fourth (or third, that would rock). Then McCain. (Republicans freaking hate McCain.)

Here is a Ron Paul video that cracked me up: Ron Paul Tell 'em.

So, New Year's Resolution: I'm actually going to exist online again. To that end, and in honor of the Iowa caucuses on Thursday,* here is the most brilliant, terrifying Paultard (Paultard (n): A supporter of Ron Paul, often of the militant or blimp-purchasing variety.) video ever. (Hat-tip Wonkette)



*: I should think of something to do Thursday night. Suggestions?

Jonathan Pabelbon rocks my world. Everything is awesome. Also, apropos of nothing, I have a new couch. At some point I will have to talk about my new place, and stop being an internet hermit. But not right now. Right now, the world is AWESOME. RED SOX == YES.

Sox Rock. The End.

I won't talk about that right now (hint! Barack Obama is fucking awesome), since there is something more important. While waiting in line (FOREVER), I got a 9/11 Truth balloon! It says things like "9/11 = Inside Job" and has conspiracy theory urls and it is just about the best thing in the world. Even better than the karaoke bar I stopped in on the way home (to get some hot and sour soup), and that was pretty damn awesome. I will blow it up and take pictures and you will all be amazed and jealous.

I am in Portland, Oregon, where the streets are made of awesome. It is so good.

So I was in the car, and I realized that if there were ever Apartment 3-G shippers, one ship would have the best name. Or at least a cool theme song. Tommie/Gina = "Livin' On A Prayer".

Man. I just got, like, the best email ever.

So I just got back from the Harry Potter release at the local Barnes and Noble, and I am awesome. Let me explain. I have spread the Evil Word about the Dark Lord. Before I went, I made, like, fifty copies of It's GOOD To Be A Wizard: A Comprehensive Guide For The Discriminating Pureblood (properly credited, of course) (it's from an RP, you may have to scroll down to get to the pamphlet itself) and put on a suit, some nice pants, a dress shirt and a tie. And then I went to spread the Evil Word.

Of course, I'm not very good at walking up to people and saying "Have you accepted Voldemort as your Dark Lord and Savior?" or "Can I show you some literature on Death Eating?" So I got there, with my laptop case full of pamphlets --- one of which was leather-bound (well, was bound to a large leather wallet-like-thing) --- and walked around, for, like, ten minutes, failing to work up the nerve to say anything to anyone. Then genius struck. I wrote on a sheet of paper I stuck in my front pocket:

ASK ME ABOUT THE DARK LORD.

Well, I shouldn't have to tell you what happened then: I moved almost every copy, and got a hot boy dressed up as Harry Potter (note, since the context might make that statement sound kind of creepy, I want to note that this boy was 20-ish) to recite an oath to the Dark Lord. It was sweet. I feel so incredibly virtuous.

ETA: Oh man, clearly I can't write when I'm high on endorphins. Whatever.

So I wiped out biking down Woodstock (it's a fairly steep hill, and I fucked up the turn into Reed) just now, and immediately, a voice out of nowhere (I didn't see anyone) asked "Are you okay?" I replied that I was (since it was mainly a blow to my pride, rather than my body), and that was that. I never saw the person, but it made the whole experience infinitely better.

There's flooding down in Texas. No sitrep on the telephones lines.

So the Democrats are having a debate. You know. Now. I have come up with a good drinking game in the last couple seconds:
Drink every time someone says "my plan" or "i have a plan" or "my website" or "i introduced a bill".
And drink every time Mike Gravel says something insane. And drink every time Hillary shoots someone a killing look.
Since this is at a black university, drink every time someone says "Some of my best friends are black" or "My friend ____, who is african-american".

And I'm going to liveblog. Because, why the fuck not? (All times Pacific.)

7:25 Cornell West is totally fucking crazy man! I bet he and Mike Gravel are going to sneak off after the show and spark some good shit. THE END.

7:24 Mike Gravel goes out on a laugh. At his expense. Huzzah!

7:22 Bill Richardson goes out refusing to shut the fuck up. True to form. So does John Edwards.

7:19 Dennis Kucinich: "I went back to Ohio. But my city was gone. There was no train station. There was no downtown. South Howard had disappeared. All my favorite places. My city had been pulled down. Reduced to parking spaces. A. O. Way to go Ohio."

( More. )

Oh my god. This is so amazing. Fuck Weird Al and Stephen Lynch, THIS is musical comedy. This song just makes me so happy. It's so CUTE.



I need to go listen to more Linkin Park. Maybe then I can try Good Charlotte or something. Anyone have any suggestions? Fuck, does anyone even know who the current annoying emo wangsty Hot Topical tween sensation is? (Yes, I realize the redundancy there.)