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Mon, Dec. 1st, 2008, 04:09 pm
A harrowing tale of ice-cream related failure. And hospitalization.

I, uh, haven't posted in a while, so what I'm about to say may come as a surprise to you guys as well as me:

I am not dead. Let me explain.

Around noon on a sunny Monday in July I decided I wanted some ice cream. I cut up Safeway Mint Tuxedos (basically Oreos, only better and vegan) and fold them into French Vanilla Tillamook Ice Cream, and it's DELICIOUS. Except I was very low on ice cream. So I bike to the local Safeway to get some. There is, alas, none of the ice cream I desire. After an unsuccessful side trip to try and acquire my current favorite kind of Stumptown coffee bean (I expect to get some sort of compensation for all the brand name shout-outs I'm including) I return to the store and try their Old-Fashioned Vanilla. I get on my bike and head home.

A block south of Safeway, I brake too hard and fly over the handlebar of my bike (really my friend Jennifer's bike), jaw-first into the pavement. Bleeding profusely, I curse my bad luck, and try to come up with the best way to get home while letting loose torrents of blood. Around this time, people show up, and ask me about my teeth, which I assure them are alright. Or, rather, after some inspection, are not alright. Several have jumped into my gums, and also, my jaw can't close properly and is dislocated.

Anyway, long story short, I never got my goddamn ice cream. I had to give it away to the guy who drove me to the hospital, lest it melt.

Also, I now have a titanium plate in my jaw.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:06 am (UTC)
kaishi

Remind me never to fly with you. Getting through security is gonna be a bitch.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:01 am (UTC)
notapipe

Titanium is non-magnetic Alex. If you like, you can try attaching a refrigerator magnet to my face next time you see me.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
kimby77

Wow. Glad you're okay.

I must say, I am sorry for your ice cream loss.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:02 am (UTC)
notapipe

Thanks. Yeah, and now I can't even really appreciate ice cream on the right side of my tongue (I'm only now slowly reacquiring taste there, and sweetness isn't yet back there).

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
vellum

glad to hear you're okay. and now i'm that much more freaked out about learning how to ride a bike.

it would be worse learning how to drive, i suppose...

do you set off metal detectors? you could hide anything in your mouth, really, right?

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:09 am (UTC)
notapipe

Oh, you totally should. Biking is awesome. Just, you know, wear a helmet and bike safely, and it's fucking great.

(I am all about wearing helmets now. I wasn't during my accident, which is fucking stupid, because if I had hit with a different part of my head, I might be dead or brain damaged. I have to count myself as lucky that I landed how I did, a sentiment which is -- though correct -- rather fucked up. So wear a helmet.)

Apparently not, it's pure titanium, so non-ferrous. Though I'll know more for sure when I try to fly home for Christmas.

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
derproblembear

yeah dude, helmets are sexy. I got hit by a car without one. I was able to walk away and have no lasting injuries but that was really one of those moments which makes you reconsider your behavior. Much more ginger about crossing the street now. I mean what's on the other side anyway?

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
tabiji

Holy crap. Ouchouchouch.

It's very good to see you. Glad you're okay!

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:12 am (UTC)
notapipe

Thanks!

Re: Ouch: Yeah. Though now I have leftover oxycodone for use if I happen to burn myself or otherwise get hurt, so there's that.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 08:12 am (UTC)
tabiji

I don't think I'd have any left after going through that.

Are you still friends with Jennifer after the whole lawsuit-due-to-crap-brakes thing?

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
notapipe

Oh, I got, like, three or four refills. And the first time they accidentally gave me a dosage three times the strength I was supposed to get.

Well, yes. I suppose I probably figured if she would still kiss me after I swelled up to look -- as I did for a couple weeks after the accident -- like I had elephantitis of the right cheek, best not to upset that deal.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
arisato

sweet son of a bitch!! BUT YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT? Minus titanium plate. Also July |-------SOMETHING-------| November? How long were you in the hospital??

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:59 am (UTC)
notapipe

Yeah, I'm fine. Like, if you strike me on the right side of my head or my chin, it hurts like a bitch. But apart from that, and some nerve damage that is improving, I'm fine.

I was only in the hospital for three days. I just suck at LJ posting. I seriously wrote this post, like, in July or August, and then didn't post because I'm lame.

Actually, I have a question for you that is not at all related: I am curious what you think about this whole thing with the Liberal-NDP coalition. Like, I need to have a perspective from one of my token Canadian acquaintances.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:14 am (UTC)
arisato

Maaannnn you do suck with lj posting. But I'm glad to hear you're all right!! That has to be a bitch.

It's.... a mixed reaction, really. When I first found out I almost did a jig, I was so excited for NO MORE HARPER yesssssss - then I felt a sense of trepidation because elections cost a lot of money and that will be a pain in the ass with the economy the way it is - BUT NOW I'M BACK TO WANTING TO SING WITH DELIGHT. The general consensus of Young Canadians is that he's a slimeball and we want him out, but unfortunately there was a botched deal with the green party in the last election that cost the Liberals dearly. Now that we have a chance to do things right, I am eagerly anticipating calling Stephan Dion my prime minister!!

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:07 am (UTC)
notapipe

But elections costing a lot of money is GOOD for the economy. At least, I know, it's good for MY economy. My last job (I am, at the moment, unemployed) was an election job (canvassing against some dumbfuck ballot measures here in Oregon; fortunately, we beat them all, though some just barely). Now, it ended November 4th, so, you know, it was only a temporary boost, but. The point is: John Maynard Keynes motherfuckers.

You're an NDP fan, right?

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
arisato

This is true.... it creates job openings but I don't think Canadians want to sink another fuckton of money into another election? Or rather, watch POLITICIANS sink another fuckton worth of money into another election.

HEEELLLLLL NO. I've lived with an NDP provincial government before and they are fucking ridiculous. Like seriously, I am all for publically-funded programs and social welfare!! I think it's AWESOME!! But the ideals of the NDP are just that - ideals. They need to be tempered with some economic conservatism otherwise they will just end up costing us a lot of money and not take us anywhere. I'm a Liberal because it balances my social and ethical values (especially the current liberal platform - Stephan Dion and Michael Ignatieff are like, omg ♥♥) with a sustainable economic platform.

Thu, Dec. 4th, 2008 03:10 am (UTC)
notapipe

So I just googled Michael Ignatieff, because I've never heard/seen his name before, and -- while I still know basically nothing about him -- you know what would be really cool? If he becomes PM after Dion -- who I understand is going to go away soon -- simultaneously, the leaders of both the US and Canada will have been professors. Which is neat.

(Though, incidentally, is there something in the water there that makes your academics become MPs? I ask because, like, the biggest name in Canadian philosophy I can think of* was MP who was beaten by Pierre Trudeau, who was himself a professor.)

How does one based in the US go about finding out about the various MPs so that he can develop informed opinions about who he wants to see take over the leadership of the Liberals after Dion?

*: Though, apart from a Marxist (GA Cohen), Charles Taylor is the only Canadian philosopher I can name without, you know, googling canadian philosophers.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 08:08 am (UTC)
bookofjude

Jesus. Well, at least you're okay. I will not ask the cliche question about setting off metal detectors! Actually, Nancy and I were wondering where you were/if you were okay the other day! I am glad that you are. I will try and catch you on AIM or something sometime ye.s

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:07 am (UTC)
fivil

Holy crap! I had my own little biking incident this autumn but thankfully only ended up with a small bone fracture in my pinky, no need for titanium.

Hope you're better now.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:31 am (UTC)
notapipe

Ah! *runs off to check your LJ archive*

Man. So. I never got to eat my ice cream, did you get to see HSM3?

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 09:50 am (UTC)
fivil

Yes, I did. I walked the rest of the way and just noticed my pinky REALLY hurt and I couldn't bend it, sat through the movie, biked home (kind of amazing I wasn't too scared to) and showed it to my roommate like omgwtf!

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 10:00 am (UTC)
hezzabeth

Holy crap I'm glad you're ok! ( see I used the right your I have grown as a person!) the weird thing is the boyfriend and I were discussing internet people who dissapear over night and I said. " I had an awesome friend named notapipe once who studied juggling at college but his gone now!".

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
notapipe

Man, that's two separate smile-provocations in one (rather brief) comment. A) the "you're" thing B) that I am apparently awesome and memorable. Thank you.

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
hezzabeth

You're very welcome! I'm so glad everythings ok I missed the bath time Dumbledore!
I know how you feel though I've been in and out of hospital for the past four months with glandular fever :/ totally screwed up my post graduate studies.

Thu, Dec. 4th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
notapipe

Oh, I've missed him too. I was watching the EEs of the first two LOTR movies with my partner recently and it made me very nostalgic.

Man, I am so glad I never got mono. It seems like the worst. Man, all this medical suckage is depressing. We totally should just upload our brains into computers and just forget about it.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 12:57 pm (UTC)
ungemmed

Jesus. OW.

Glad you're okay.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
xnera

Not getting to have your ice cream is a TRAVESTY. Like, the kind of travesty that occurs in operas. Ice cream is srs business. *nods*

Glad you're okay.

Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2008 11:09 pm (UTC)
chizpurfle

I had braces for several years, which is painful enough, but teeth jumping into your gums? Aaahhh...aassdhsjad. I'm glad you're not dead, pipe, and almost back together in one piece. Yes, yes, always wear your helmet. There’s nothing more lame than dying for ice cream. Vanilla ice cream especially.

Heal well~

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
notapipe

You and Karen should fight.

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
hezzabeth

GHAHAHAHAHAH HELLO!!!!! I have missed you so much *cuddles to death*

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC)
chizpurfle

Not with that icon you're not! D:

And ~♥Hello♥~! I really missed you too, Hez darlin'. *MUAH* *MUAH* Hell, I miss everyone. It's been ages.

Fri, Dec. 12th, 2008 09:41 am (UTC)
hachi_08

So I just logged onto LJ for the first time in months, looked at my mutual friends list, and randomly clicked your name. Little did I suspect the story awaiting me here... Geezus, pipe, you are one crazy mofo! >:O I'm glad you're okay.

Was there any nerve damage to your teeth? I've read about teeth jumping into gums during a fall and then never sitting correctly again because of bone damage!

Fri, Dec. 12th, 2008 09:43 am (UTC)
hachi_08

Oh, this is the ninja formerly known as filiklepto, by the way.

Fri, Dec. 12th, 2008 01:29 pm (UTC)
notapipe

Ah. Thanks. I hate it when I have no idea who is talking to me, and then I go to their userinfo, and the name is something like "I'm going to cut your balls off" or "~~~<3s KPop star you've never ever heard of, at least, until you click on my actual journal to try to divine my identity and are treated to a page full of picspam of said person and unintelligible notes about asian things~~~" and the bio is a big picture of a kitten wearing anime cat ears and the text "I CAN HAZ KOSPLAY? NO!!1! UR DOING IT RONG!" and then I feel uncomfortable. Not -- I notice on inspecting your userinfo -- that you would present that particular problem.

Re: damage to my teeth: Well, I lost one. The other two seem to be fine. Well, my front-left tooth isn't quite as good as my front-right tooth, but that might be partially due to the thing where there's not a real or real-like tooth next to it (just a flipper).

Also: Thanks.